I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
