i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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