Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
