dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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