ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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