Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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