the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
