I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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