my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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