I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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