He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
