I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
