just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
