I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
