I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
