how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
