you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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