she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
