Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
