How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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