I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
