We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
