in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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