We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
