The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
