So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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