girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Sober January is a disaster.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
