Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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