She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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