a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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