You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
