I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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