I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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