I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Do vagina's smell?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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