Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
