ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
