hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
