Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
