Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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