In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
