Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i drank out of a bidet.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
