Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
