There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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