Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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