i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize