i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
