That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
