I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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