did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
