My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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