New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
